Posted by Penguin on
Saturday, 10 November 2007, 10:26It was probably sometime after 20:00 where my memory cuts out, A sea of welcomes and not so welcomes just about memorable from earlier. There was no brutal beating from anomaly, no violence at all on this first night in Newbury. There was however nudity. nT from 11th hour giving the burger van staff some kind of insane striptease in baltic temperatures. His penis not even managing the same length as Stu's from pub^, so it was hardly anything to rave about. Not even sure why he did it. Think it was something to do with extra onions.
What else? Well, if you're going to down a bottle of vodka it's probably best to do it off security cam. Each passing year at the i-series has got more and more strict and stringent in their approach to security, a random new rule added every time you attend. It's kind of like one of those FA directives, a random addition that is over policed and thus keeps everyone on their toes. I mean, I remember one i-series where if you fell asleep at your desks an army of security guards would wake you, warn you then evict you if you even had so much as a droopy eyelid. This time drinking "on site" is the cardinal sin. The term "site" seems to expand to everywhere, tents included, which is a bit fucking random. But if you're going to be doing this kind of thing at LAN best to do it off camera. There was some kind of wager going on last night, who could down the most slugs of vodka, all done on camera. There were no winners in such a bet, especially when it is done on camera and the new rule is enforced. All people who took part were told that they would not be allowed back on the premises. Thankfully, within one hour they relented and turned us loose inside.
There were some stories at this LAN, even as early as the first night, but right now I'm not in any kind of state to tell you them. Me and Anomaly settled our differences in a gentlemanly fashion. Not even a story. Can I sum it up? Well, the first night is all about the people arriving and meeting their team mates, in a lot of cases for the first time. Being a failed CSS player I have played in the same mid-skill clan, MIA, for over two years, probably nearly three. Yet it was at this LAN I met one of my team mates for the first time. And today I think I will be meeting more people that I have "known" for years. The beautiful and glorious face of the i-series, people coming from all over to play some games, crash and burn, then spend the rest of the time drinking and exchanging viruses from different corners of the country.
I met plenty of people last night, the inhabitants of the infamous red room being poked and prodded by me as I searched in vain for Vinih so we could do the late night diary. They weren't so pleased at meeting a new person as the huddled together for warmth like illegal immigrants in the back of a truck.
No, this isn't working. I've just eaten a cold, grey, bacon sandwich and I actually feel like dying. I wander around in a daze looking at the various stands and stalls, stealing energy drinks from the unwary staff as I collect myself.
Is there a greater crime against humanity than bruises on Jafro's face? Who could hit such a beautiful man and live with themselves? It's like pulling the wings off a budgie, just fundamentally despicable. As a result of this atrocity he is going to be playing with a broken hand, excuses in early doors.
It wouldn't be a piece by Gonzo if i didn't mention tiLs, so I'm told, so perhaps I can enlighten you to what he will be getting from Christmas. He has taken pictures of himself in a mirror, signed them, placed them in a parcel and they are under his tree waiting. Vanity, is there a greater sin?
While I'm trying to collect my thoughts and make some notes I'm sat next to the online hero (never played at LAN) Wombat who is shivering and clutching a bottle of Tesco's value vodka. He has that mile long stare, he peaked too soon and he knows it. Why did we even bother coming down yesterday? Nothing was achieved except a massive bar tab. Early arrival has become the norm, you don't beat the crowds... These events seem to last longer yet consist of less games.
Back to the action and I told Ice from CTX that everytime he gets a positive score in a match while at this LAN I'll buy him a pint. I feel my money is safe, and everyone is nodding sagely. They already have a crowd for their practice PCWs, the same levels of curiosity you might experience from the slack jawed yokels that check out car accidents and freakshows. Then again, it is kind of funny to see the shock from some of their players when they experience being flashed for the first time ever.
