Recently we've had an epic fail in the CS scene. CSPROMOD was absolute balls, all our CGS teams lost, and it theres no more franchises for a while so I can't go pro. I watched the CGI events on and off, I started watching when I saw people screaming and playing paintball, and stopped when they ended playing paintball. It looked crap, was crap, and they had the ugliest T skin (the bearded man) with a filthy red baseball jersey on, nice. At the moment so many people have the tiLs attitude of "This is completely bi-sexual, I hate playing CS, I want to be paid to play so I can sit on my arse and get money for picking my cavern-like-nose" - big exception for hudzG who I recently had the pleasure of playing a mix cup with, sound guy if you don't know him. I too am one of these miserable bastards, and revel in the chance to wallow in self pity. So I expected CGS to come, be balls because we all know the scores anyway, and just try in the next qualifiers to get drafted. Then I saw the advert on Sky One.
It was a blaze of digital effects, that old bitch from London Mint, and the beautiful people holding their breath to make sure they don't get the ugly. I was spammed clips from tiLs while he was at the CGS Combine where I saw Gonzo interviewing a black guy with a jerry curl - superfresssh, something that never loaded but I was told was hilarious, and slogged through the AWFUL 2GD interview with Keeley Hazell where he looks like a pervert and apparently took about 20 takes, knowing that if I had been there I would have started my interview with "So... I saw your porno. Sound quality was shit". I was unable to attend, and as Bantros - King of Banter, this upset me greatly. Luckily someone had the balls to get her to sign her own tits as it just so happened her baps were on Page 3 of The Sun that day, that guy has bantros.
The cameraman zoomed in on three different fat people, I know one was mangiacapra but the rest blurred into one big chin, and within its crevaces I managed to get a beam of Jafro into my eye. Now anyone who knows Jafro and I's relationship will know it hasn't all been a bed a roses, but I like to think we're cool with each other now, so when I saw a perfectly constructed haircut I yelled out over my handsomely made baked potato with baked beans medly, "MUM, FUCKING JAFROS ON TV". Even though I know every score, from Combine to Chimera I can't wait to watch it, I know most of it will be gay but the CS games should be sick. I would have been the first to put the CGS down because its just so clearly homoerotic but the presentation I saw just in the adverts made me as a bog standard TV watcher want to watch CGS.
I think a big part of why is because of the people I know at CGS. You always want to see your mates do well, and people like Fatal, Jafro and tiLs are going to be the first glimpse the non-gamer world gets of semi/professional gamers. It's big, they're going to set the visual standard for all of us, and I hope they do us proud because I know there are a hell of a load of freaks who play this game like Mr.K. That guy is the ugliest bloke I've ever seen, so much so I stole his pillow once, sat on it, farted, and waited until he realised it was me which took about twenty minutes which allowed aforementioned fart to crystalise inside his pillow therefore forever making it stench of my bowels (take that bitch). Nice guy though. Most of the teams aren't together anymore which will make it odd when watching the games on TV, I hope they all get their fame and get recognised on the street though because that would be ace, "Oh my God you're tiLs off TV", "Why yes I am, milady.", "Have you even seen a vagina before?", "Stuuuuuuuupid biiitch" - ended with a backhand to her face.
Yeah yeah
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Posted by layo on
Sunday, 16 December 2007, 14:34
