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A story of one man and his pals getting mashed at LAN, yeah yeah.
Since I was young I had always wished to experiment with the greener side of life. I think had about two mates at school who were into the same thing, and at a party whilst drunk I was given the opportunity to get mashed. Clearly I loved it, and it's generally been an on off relationship.
i31. A mix team made up of myself, Simon "Bleak" Mills, David "Splatio" Stocker, Paul "Fasty" Bogget (brother of MGz) and the legendary Simon "LaZygun" Northernmonkey. I was first introduced to Bleak by a friend of mine Jack Wall whilst in teamHB/TEAMcomplete with tils, and tils had introduced me to Splatio when they were first rebuilding xciteuk. I had met Splatio briefly at i26 when Reason-Gaming beat my awesome midskill team and he merely looked at me with the disgust you only get from a cunt like Dave. The fact is Splatio Bleak and I all live about 20-30 minutes away from each other, and since being in a team and finding this out we had regularly got together. LAN was not a new concept to any of the mix team, but i31 was a LAN with a difference.
Previously I had gone to LANs to win, or at least I would attempt to. This time Bleak, Splatio and I had gathered as much greenery as we could afford and our only aim was to get as mashed off our tits as humanly possible. Now for anyone who saw any of us at i31 will understand just how fucked we were, but for those that didn't and haven't tried this practice yet I will attempt to convey how unbelieveably awesome it was. Bleak had brought his tent down, and had kindly offered for Dave and I to stay in it with him. Now first of all sleeping in a tent during the summer is awesome, at night you're comfortably warm and in the morning you wake up to a lovely warm tent and feel rejuvenized. Compare this with my first i-series (i26) and sleeping in someones tent mid November in nothing but a t-shirt, and having to drink scalding hot water in the morning because I felt I was going to die, it's pretty fucking sick. Now couple this with a half ounce of Kent's finest, and a massive tent hotbox... yeah yeah.
Dave and I arrived on the Thursday and couldn't be bothered to pay for EAS, so we sat in my car and smoked for hours on end. He had to sleep upright as his massive CRT was behind his seat, while I got to lay comfortably as my 2003 Corsa has fully reclining seats. We woke up at 8am, and for the next 4 hours we smoked about 7 joints. At 12pm we registered and went inside. I can't remember playing a single game, at some point we found Bleak and had some more joints. I remember meeting ViniH and Dr. Gonzo (or Castro as he was known back then) and being worried that ViniH was downing a bottle of Dooleys.
During the days we would play a game, and when we won we would roll a victory joint. We rolled 4 of these victory joints until the inevitable came, the consolation joints. Victory joints were designed specifically to keep our level of mashed stable, whilst mellowing us out a little more but consolation joints were designed specifically to be two victory joints instead of just one. We would go out on the balcony, enjoy our joints, be laughed at and laugh at other people. We were joined casually by other people such as MGz, Gonzo, Mixa.rar, Jack / skz, tiLs, and I think w1p came just to laugh at us. We were knocked out on the Saturday by some gay team so turned our full attention to our noble plans.
The nights came with joy and eyeburn. We would retire to the tent with guests, and try to hotbox the tent as much as possible. MGz and Jack had their own, they shared but they mainly scabbed off us, even so we enjoyed the company. We were staying up until around 2am until we passed out in a haze of glory. At one point LaZygun came into our tent because he was too pissed to find his own, and turned a comfortable and heterosexual night into a full on cock fest with plenty of accidental touching - especially as LaZygun sleeps near naked.
The mornings were always my favourite, we would discuss the previous day's banter and slowly get re-mashed, ready for the trials ahead. On the Sunday, I thought I could handle myself as well as any other hardcore smoker, so we rolled some strong joints, sat on a picnic bench and began to smoke. My mouth became dry, too dry, I realised something was wrong. I felt anxious, like if I stayed on the picnic table something bad would happen, so I decided to return to my computer. Each step I became whiter. I began to lose the use of my legs, I was dizzy, and beginning to feel violently sick, layo was whiteying. I managed to get inside and into an elevator, there were some other guys in there and I could tell they were staring at me thinking "that guy is fucked" - which I was. I looked at myself in the mirror and my skin was the same colour as the whites of my eyes, and just as fucking veiny. I hit the second floor and stumbled to my desk, grabbed Bleaks 2 litre bottle of water and downed it. I then turned to fasty who was already playing some PCWs and said "FAAAAAAASTYYYYYYYYYYYY... I'M WHITEEEEEEEYYYYIIIIINNNNNNG". To me this was a normal conversation, I had said "Fasty, I'm whiteying" but apparently I took about 20 seconds to yell this at him even though he was two feet away. I was desperate and just wanted someone to save me, to make sure that I wasn't going to pass out and die from choking on my own vomit - Fasty was not that man. He looked at me, more interested in his game than my imminent death and said "Whats that?". I couldn't wait to blurt out "I feel sick", so I did... I had no time to look at him with disgust for not knowing what whiteying was. It took about half an hour but I eventually felt better, watched the new Harry Potter movie (still stoned) then passed out under my desk.
I was awoken by being kicked by Jafro who at the time wanted to kick my head in. He asked me would I like to fight him, faked a punch at me, and I replied "No" and went back to sleep. Sunday night was the night where Mixa.rar did me and Dave over like he had to so many people. We ordered a pizza, got it, and did our best to hide from Mixa (Ben to us as he lives about 10 minutes from us) as we knew he would try to thief our food. He climbed into the car with us, forcibly inviting himself as usual. We were going to mug him off and not give him any but we were in no mood for fighting as we were mashed beyond comprehension. He asked for a slice of pizza, and took two. When the pizza was down to two slices, he took one and said it would be more fair that way. We then left him and went to smoke more in our tent. From that point the rest is a blur, I managed to drive home and slept for 24 hours straight.
I had realised how to LAN. Mashed.
I began my degree course at Brunel University, West London, this year and found out that sadly I was unable to play CS online as they block the ports. Convinced that going to i32 as a spectator was a good idea as I knew Dave and Simon would be there I decided to go as a spectator. Spectating LANs is pretty shit, especially with Dave - mainly because he came 13th-16th and kept playing shit games like Puzzle Quest instead of socialising and smoking. This is why you probably saw me skulking around just about anywhere that had anything interesting going on.
I hadn't smoked in a while as even though there are plenty of gangsta's at my uni and I had been feeling ill in the days leading up to i32, so I decided not to smoke quite as heavily. It took about 3 joints until I decided to fuck that and smoke as much as possible. I floated around the LAN event taking in the event, chatting to friends and making new ones. It was ace, and anyone I spoke to thanks for making my event more enjoyable. On Saturday Simon, Dave, Tils and Jack all sat out on the balcony, and smoked three amazingly strong joints at the same time - it was unbelieveable. I looked over at Tils, and behind his massive Jew-sized nose he gave me a funny look. This sent me into a laughing fit to the extent that I wee'd a little. With pizza and some beer down us we went back to our hotel and into Tils' and my room (we were sharing a double bed, and yes Tils did have to unstick my balls from himself each morning). We decided to keep smoking, so we opened the window, sadly unlike the room from which Tils had seen someones throat being slit, our window only opened a few inches. We could not smoke out the window - then came some Giblin genius. I put 3 socks over the smoke alarm, a hoody covered in deodorant under the room door crack and we continued to smoke. The room stank and I began to shit my pants thinking I was going to get arrested and fined for smoking substance in the room. So I passed out and they all left me. I fucked off quite early the next day as I wanted to rag the shit out of my girlfriend, and had done since smoking that first joint. Strange because usually when I'm off my tits I'm about as good in bed as aids.
So ends my Mashed at LAN stories. I thought I'd share how fucking rad it was hanging out with good friends, smoking weed and having fun for weekends at a time. For anyone who has been wondering whether or not to go to the i-series because they don't feel they're good enough etc, just go anyway! LAN is a unique experience, and I'm always glad for the chance to spend quality time with my e-mates, especially whilst being mashed.
Yeah yeah  |
Posted by layo on
Saturday, 17 November 2007, 01:39
